shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
