grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
