FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
