Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
