I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize