Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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