What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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