OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sorry about my life...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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