we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
