he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
