from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
