Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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