I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
