My first STD was from a foam party
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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