I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I came so hard my ears popped.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
