you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize