And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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