This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
