I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize