She is in my trunk
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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