just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
