thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They have beer where we have blood.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
