if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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