Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
