man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
