Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
