i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
