so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
