I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
