Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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