a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
