in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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