Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When are your genitals available?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
