Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
