He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
