She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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