Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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