You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
