is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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