WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
