I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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