I like my sex mixed with concussions.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
