3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
