I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
