Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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