one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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