I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
