Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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