I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
