You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
