Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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