I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
