My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
