Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
