You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
