I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
