there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize