She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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