well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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