Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
