i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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