I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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