are you so shy because you have an std?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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