Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
