Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
