Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
