So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
