Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
