He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
