Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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