so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
