It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
