she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
