not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
