I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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