I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
