I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
